It has been a few months. Well, here goes.

Hubby came home in March. He was completely unharmed except for that one mishap during a rollover. He and I are doing wonderful. I missed him every minute he was gone, and welcoming him home was one of the most powerful experiences of my life.

We began seeing a fertility specialist in April. Turns out that I have severe PCOS, and was not ovulating at all. Also, the PCOS is the reason why I got so damn fat. ugh...well, that and the fact that I hated the gym. lol. Anyway, I was put on a Metformin, clomid, HCG, progestrone regimen. And also, lots of sex. HA! It took almost no time to start ovulating and then....

I got my big fat positive on JULY 4th! I lost 30 lbs, and with the help of the meds, we conceived our first child in June. We will be finding out the gender next week.

We now live in Hawaii. It is a HUGE change for me, and at first, I didn't like it at all. We have been here for 2 1/2 months now, and I am adjusting much better. We have a beautiful home, and we are so ready for little love to be here. Also, a huge plus is that hubs will not be deploying while we are stationed here. That means he won't miss the monumental events that happen in the first few years of a childs life.

My best friend and her family are stationed here as well, and I could not be happier. I hated the idea of being away from my beautiful Goddaughters, but then God saw fit to send them here with us.

I must say that I live a truely blessed life. I have never been happier than I am right now.

I am finally on the right track with this fertility stuff. Come April, my dear husband and I will know whether or not we can conceive on our own. Oh how we long for a child.
Prayers abound in this household.

It still amazes me that people think that its ok to be a shitbag to someone, and then they expect that person to forgive them, and move on like it never happened. FUUUUUUUUUUCK that. I will forgive, but I NEVER forget when someone has wronged me. I dont tolerate backstabbers, people who talk shit, or skank-hos who think its ok to spread rumors. I DEFINITELY dont tolerate liars. Fuck people today.

Ok, I have seen a lot of posts on facebook lately BASHING fat people who think they are sexy. Im sorry, but just because you're fat, doesnt mean you arent sexy. "Sexy" isnt just defined by how your body looks. Its in how you present yourself and in how confident you are. The way your body looks is only a very small fraction of what defines sexy. Not only that, but what one person finds attractive, another might find repulsive. I know my husband thinks that boney, scrawny women are ugly, even if they have a pretty face.
Also, dont assume that, just because someone is fat, that they are lazy. I know for me, I cant lose weight on my own. It's very difficult. The doctors believe I have an illness that is causing this. I eat healthy, I work out, and I DONT do the fast food thing. Not everyone who is fat got that way on their own. Personally, I had a lot of trials in my life that helped lead to where I am. I was hit by a car when I was 12. I can only do so much before my knee and back say, "NO MORE!" I have 10 screws and a metal plate in my left femur, and arthritis in my lower back. I've had two reconstructive surgeries on my femur, and I've broken my neck in two places, which sometimes still gives me trouble. Im lucky to be walking. Hell, Im lucky to be alive. I have depression and PTSD (which is NOT just something that soldiers get), which also can cause weight gain. I have a lot of stress. I may have PCOS.
All of these are excuses, or at least they seem to be, but I can assure you that NO ONE has a right to say whether or not a fat person is lazy, because a lot of the time, its something else entirely.
Dont judge a book by its cover. Try reading a chapter or two.

The most heart-wrenching thing in the entire world for me is knowing that I've let someone down. It kills me to know that someone is disappointed in my actions. I dont know how to remedy it, all I know is that I am sorry that I disappointed this person.

A Little About Me.

Bold What Applies To YOU!

I am a male.
I am a girl.
I am shorter than 5’4.
I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had braces.

I wear glasses
.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.

I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve run away from home.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than one year old.

I want to have kids someday.
I’ve lost a child.
I’m in school.
I have a job.
I almost always do/did my homework.
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I’ve missed a week or more of school.
I failed more than 1 class last year.

I’ve stolen something from my job. 

I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve gotten stitches/staples.

I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.

I’ve had measles.

I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Mexico.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.

I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

I’ve been to Europe.

I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve crashed a car.

I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve met someone in person from Facebook.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.
I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve gone on a blind date.

I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out of my house.

I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
I’ve consumed alcohol.
I regularly drink.
I’ve passed out from drinking.
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I’ve smoked weed
.
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.

I’ve eaten shrooms.

I’ve popped E.
I’ve inhaled Nitrous.

I’ve done hard drugs.
I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.

I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.

I shut others out when I’m depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I have been anorexic or bulimic.
I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
I’ve woken up crying.
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.

I’ve planned my own suicide .

I’ve attempted suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
I own over 5 rap CDs.

I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.

I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.

I am learning that just because someone angers you, does not mean that things are ending. It does not mean that your world is crashing down. People fight. People make up. Its the way of life. If you didnt have fighting, then peace would not be appreciated.
I think this is where I run into problems. I dont appreciate the peace. This is an issue Ive had my entire life. Im always going, going, going. I never stop and smell the roses. I never stop to appreciate the little things. Because of this, I cannot understand why people are perfectly content just sitting around and doing nothing sometimes. I cannot look out a window and just comment on how gorgeous the snow looks as the sun reflects off of it. I am always wanting to go somewhere, do something. I cant sit still. This, apparently, gets on the nerves of some people, just as their "slothfulness" gets to me.
There has to be a happy medium though, and through communication, we will find that medium. It will take time, and with what is looming over our heads, its going to take longer than either of us would like, but it will happen. When its meant to.
The first 2 years of a marriage are hard. You throw the military into it, and you will find that the first 10 years are hard. But God hand-picked me to be married to this man, just as he hand-picked him to serve our nation as a soldier. Our life isnt perfect, but its real.

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This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use